College Roommate Tips
Bad Roommate? It Might be Time to Move Out
By Amanda Cohen
It is very difficult, especially in your first year of college, to find a roommate with whom you get along beautifully. Obviously, living in such close quarters with someone is going to be an adjustment and plenty of compromises will have to be made, but how do you know when it’s gotten to the point where the only source of unhappiness in your life is coming back to your “home” and feeling uncomfortable, sad, taken advantage of, angry, annoyed, etc.? How do you know when your negative roommate situation has gone too far? In extreme cases, yes, moving out may be the only option, but if you think you can make it work I highly suggest you do because moving out can be a major source of awkwardness and, let’s be real, moving into a new living situation is a pain in the butt. However, there are many factors that I believe exemplify when a roommate situation warrants a move-out date. Read on to find out.
The biggest and most obvious tell if you should move out is if you feel genuinely uncomfortable, scared, or sad every time you enter your supposed-to-be home. If you put your ear against the door of your room and hear your roommate and pass time somewhere else until he/she leaves, that’s when you know. I know this may seem extreme, but it does happen, I have witnessed it first-hand. Although, if you are feeling uncomfortable or anxious going into your living space because you just aren’t used to living with another person so closely, then that doesn’t warrant a move-out. If this is the case, you should communicate with your roommate and express your concerns and fears and work together to find a way to make both of you more comfortable. However, if you are scared because your roommate always yells at you, bosses you around, makes you cry, or dominates the entire living situation, I would try and find some new housing.
Since moving out is a last resort, you need to make sure that, before you take the final plunge, that you’ve tried communicating with your roommate as much as possible. By this I mean you have tried talking to your roommate about what’s bothering you and trying to come up with a compromise so that your living space is livable for the both of you. For example, it’s not fair to up and leave your roommate because he/she always wakes you up at 3:00 a.m., but you never told him/her that it bothers you when he/she does that. I know it can be difficult to talk to someone, especially if you are a little shy like me, but a simple conversation can save you weeks and months of misery and could even prevent you to reconsider moving out altogether. If you speak with your roommate and the behavior doesn’t change, talk to them again. If he/she still doesn’t try to change, talk to him/her again. If, after the third time, speaking with him/her nothing changes, sit him/her down and say that this living situation is negatively affecting you and you are going to move out since the “behavior” still persists. Your roommate will either finally take you seriously and change his/her act, or you really will have to move out.
If the above information still doesn’t give you any sort of clarity in your decision to maybe move out from your current situation, you just need to trust your gut. You will know when a bad roommate situation has gone too far… you will feel it in your bones. A really terrible roommate will cause you to feel anxious, sad, angry, frustrated, scared, and generally just uncomfortable. If your living situation feels less and less like a home, move out. If your roommate is a bully, move out. If your roommate doesn’t respect you space and your needs, move out. Although, like I said above, if you think there is the slightest chance of rectifying your current roommate situation, try and do so and explain to your roommate that he/she needs to meet you halfway in this endeavor. If you are still conflicted, talk to your resident’s advisor (RA) if you live in a dorm room and have him/her give you some insight and maybe even help you facilitate a productive conversation with your roommate. Don’t tell your roommate you’re moving out if you don’t have a new place to live… make sure you have a true fall back plan before telling your roommate your moving out because if you say you’re moving out and you don’t, that could cause even more friction.
Just remember, you deserve to feel happy and comfortable in your living situation. Even if you live in a tiny dorm room, it should still feel like a home and not like a place where you’re a guest. If you need to move out, do it. I know it’s scary, but college is hard enough as it is, don’t like a negative roommate situation be your breaking point.
Dealing With A Difficult Roommate
Unfortunately, living with another person isn’t always easy. Whether your roommate is your best friend since grade school or a random person you were assigned, it’s natural for disputes to arise. After all, adjusting to having to share close proximity to another person who isn’t family is a challenge for everyone. However, sometimes even the mildest roommate disputes end up escalating into tense, uncomfortable living situations. If this is the case, something should definitely be done to make a positive, healthy change for everyone involved.
The biggest thing to remember in the case of any roommate conflict is that you must take care of yourself. Even if the dispute doesn’t seem like “a big deal”, anything that causes you distress is worth addressing and finding a solution. Always keep in mind that avoiding a problem means avoiding a solution and that you deserve to have a stress-free environment to return to at the end of the day.
Roommate disputes are no picnic. In fact, if you are afraid of confrontation, they can be your worst nightmare. The stress can have an extremely negative effect on your academic performance, physical wellbeing, and mental health. So, it is imperative that you address issues with your difficult roommate quickly and directly. Having issues with a roommate is the furthest thing from uncommon and there is always a solution. Keep reading for ways to handle a difficult roommate!
Be Direct
When you start having issues with a roommate, the first thing you should do is try to address the issues calmly and politely. Leaving behind passive aggressive messages and being rude will only exacerbate the situation. Instead, speak with them and confront the issue with kindness. If you don’t appreciate them having loud guests over late at night or wish that they’d stop leaving a mountain of dishes in the sink, explain your feelings to them as soon as possible. Be sure to use reason and appeal to their better nature. For example, if they are constantly having loud guests over, let them know that you have trouble sleeping and relaxing when this happens. Keep in mind that no matter how annoying they are, your roommate is only human and they aren’t always capable of recognizing their behavior.
It is also important to make sure that these direct conversations take place in person, not over text or phone calls. Without a physical conversation, discussing a dispute digitally can end in a lot of issues if things are misconstrued. Even though it seems less scary to send a text than it is to confront someone in person, you will definitely find better results from addressing issues face-to-face.
Resist Pettiness
When you fight fire with fire, everyone gets burned. No matter how tempting it might be to throw your roommate’s several-week-old dirty dishes onto their bed or leave nasty notes taped to the refrigerator like some reality television show, acting out with pettiness can only make matters worse. Above all, you need to remember to be the bigger, stronger person in the end. Name calling, finger pointing, and nastiness will only breed more tension and stress for both of you in the end. There is no benefit to acting out immaturely unless you want to add living in a hostile environment to your bucket list.
The best way to avoid giving in to the petty urges is to remain calm and keep a clear head. Did your roommate use your kitchen supplies without cleaning them for the third time this week? Take a walk and some deep breaths before you bring it up with them again. Did your roommate let their S.O. eat your leftovers again? Order yourself another treat and take time to cool off before throwing rocks at your roommate’s window. When you have yourself together and you’ve silenced the Evil Kermit voice in your head, you’re ready to discuss your feelings with your roommate directly.
Create Distance
If all of your attempts at communication fail, try to build some distance between yourself and your roommate. It’s an unfortunate, yet obvious fact, that not everyone was meant to get along in the end. Sadly, if you and your roommate fall into this category, there isn’t much you can do to remedy the situation. For the sake of your mental health, make sure you take time away from your roommate every so often. Try studying in the library instead of your living room. Hang out with friends and see what there is to do on campus or around town instead of spending your weekends at home. While it’s definitely still your space that you have a right to, it’s also good to get a little distance every now and then.
A clear head and some space might help you to see solutions to your issue that you didn’t think of before. It could also shift your roommate’s perspective and help them to realize that their behavior is making you very uncomfortable.
Get Help
If your roommate’s difficult behavior hasn’t changed, it might be time to involve a third party. If you live in a dorm, contact your R.A. or Resident Counselor and discuss your options. University housing programs typically offer mediation services to settle all types of roommate disputes. This is especially helpful if confrontation scares you. If you live in an apartment, keep in mind that it isn’t the responsibility of your landlord or property manager to act as a mediator between you and your roommate. However, if you are persistent and present enough reasoning, you might be able to get yourself out of the situation entirely via a room switch or subletting.
If your difficult roommate becomes hostile, tense, or displays no desire to establish a healthy, cohesive household, it might be time to consider some sort of mediation or moving out entirely.
In the end, having a difficult roommate is not the end of the world. Living with someone new is always a difficult journey, but there are many ways to push through the hard times and improve the living situation for everyone. Always start by trying to have a calm, honest conversation in person. If pursuing a peaceful conversation or mediation doesn’t work, then it’s time for you to move on for the sake of your well-being. After all, the ideal roommate might just be around the corner!
Random Roommate vs. Choosing A Roommate: Which Should You Do?
Roommate horror stores – we have all heard our fair share of them. They can stem from a multitude of factors: messy roommates, random roommates, roommates’ significant others, or even roommates that you had the opportunity to choose for yourself. Regardless of the cause, roommate relationships can turn sour fast but also become roommate success stories just as fast.
Roommates are what you make of them, and you can take multiple steps to make sure that your roommate is as close to your ideal fit as possible. One of your first major decisions when it comes to choosing your ideal roommate is choosing between getting a random roommate or deciding to choose a roommate for yourself.
There are many pros and cons to both options and the “right” option varies from person to person. If you are wondering whether to choose your next roommate or leave it to fate to pick a roommate for you, here are some tips to help guide you to the option that is best for you in your upcoming decision:
What are you looking for in a roommate?
Consider what you are looking for in a roommate. Do you want to come home every day to someone that will be willing to hear how your day went or what’s on your mind? Someone that is going to be down to hang out whenever you want to knock on their door or head out to grab a meal? Or do you want someone that is simply going to cohabitate with you and keep things clean and simple in your shared living space?
If you are looking for the latter, you may be better off deciding on getting a random roommate. Most of the time, going the random roommate route will have you filling out a survey that covers most of your roommate habits and what someone should expect from living with you (roommate behaviors, cleanliness, typical routines, studying habits, etc.). Most of the time, the roommates you do end up with have similar habits to you and won’t be causing issues due to conflicting issues or habits.
When it comes to wanting to be close with your roommates, you may be more comfortable seeking out your own roommates instead of just relying on a random roommate to be your new best friend. Random roommates can become quick friends too, of course, but relying on yourself to pick your own roommate can ensure you are picking someone that you are comfortable with from the get-go.
Think about previous experiences with roommates
When it comes to picking a new roommate, think back to previous roommate experiences you have had, if you have had any. If you have had previous roommates, use them to your advantage, regardless of whether they were a great fit or a horrible fit. Consider what you liked about your previous roommates, and what you didn’t like.
Maybe you went with the option to pick a roommate for yourself in your last situation. The situation could have gone great, it was a close friend and your friendship was only strengthened by living together and seeing each other all the time. At the same time, living with a close friend can negatively impact your friendship. You can be great friends with someone, but you can be not-so-great roommates when you experience living with each other.
Or maybe you opted for a random roommate and it went well. Think about why it went well. Did your roommate fit all your roommate survey answers perfectly? Or did they fit a few key answers perfectly to make living together the ideal living situation? If you have the opportunity to fill out a survey again, pick your same answers to increase your chances at getting another ideal roommate at random.
Want to keep your living space private?
If you are one to savor your own private living space, opting to pick a random roommate may be in your best interest. You do not need to worry about your friends invading your space when you do not want them to if you go the random route. If you choose to live with your friend, you may be facing multiple situations in which your friend group invades your living space or find your friend asking to spend every waking moment with you when you are home.
When it comes to keeping your private space a private space, living with your friends may not be the best idea. They may take every opportunity to spend time with you. Cooking breakfast? Cook breakfast for two. Looking to spend time by yourself binging on your latest Netflix obsession? You may need to move over on the couch to make room for your friend-turned-roommate.
You can still choose your friend as a roommate and not have it turn out badly, but it’s important to set guidelines on defining your personal space or your “me time.” When it comes to random roommates, however, they are most likely going to be okay with not being the best of friends as long as you respect each other’s living spaces.
Choosing: What kind of person are you choosing?
If you are considering picking your own roommate, what kind of person are you choosing to live with? Choosing your own roommate can go multiple ways, but the end result you are looking for can heavily depend on how close of a friend you are going to be choosing to live with.
While your best friend may be the person you go to with your deepest concerns and the person you call up when you are looking for a good time, they may be far from what your ideal roommate is. You can get along on a personal level, but when it comes to roommate-related issues, you may be on opposite ends of the spectrum. You can be very clean, but your best friend’s idea of “clean” is picking up after themselves once every few weeks. The small differences that come out due to different roommate habits can create a big divide in your personal relationship.
At the same time, someone that is in your circle of friends that is also looking for your roommate can be your ideal roommate situation. You may not be two peas in a pod when you are considering your social circle, but when it comes to being roommates you can be a perfect fit.
Opting to choose your own roommate doesn’t necessarily mean you have to pick your closest friend by default, but if it means you are comfortable with your roommate, picking a friend to be your next roommate can still be a good decision.
If you are worried about how becoming roommates with your friends can impact your friendship, consider testing the waters. Ask what their own roommate habits are if you are serious about becoming roommates, or even scoping out each other’s living spaces if you want to see how they treat their own living space.
Opting for a new experience? Go random
Picking a random roommate does not need to be a roommate horror experience. If you play your cards right, you may end up with the roommate of your dreams.
Your experience with a random roommate can depend heavily on the system you are using to pick your future roommate. If you are going through campus housing (dorms or apartments), you will typically be required to fill out a roommate survey. The survey is full of questions that will narrow down the list of people that will suit your roommate needs.
Of course, this means you are relying on an outside factor – an automated system – to make sure you do not end up as the next roommate horror story, but one system is better than no system. The roommate surveys are in place for a reason, so if you are not lying to get what you think you want as a roommate
Opting for a random roommate may be overwhelming at first, but you will never know if it is the perfect option for you unless you try – don’t be afraid to go for it.
Worried about comfort level? You can be comfortable both ways
When it comes to worrying about whether or not you will be comfortable with one choice or another, you don’t need to be worried about one being comfortable or uncomfortable. Living with someone you know very well can be the obvious choice if you are looking for a comfortable living situation. You already know the person on a personal level, so you will not have to worry about awkward run-ins in the hallway or too scared to call them out for possible wrongdoings.
However, a random roommate – a stranger – doesn’t have to be the obvious uncomfortable option. Living with someone that is basically a stranger doesn’t have to be your worst option. Get to know them when you first know your housing situation. Discuss what you expect out of each other as roommates or even simple topics that will help you get to know each other to make you feel like you are not living a complete stranger.
You can make yourself comfortable with either option if you take the right steps to make yourself comfortable. Set guidelines when it comes to choosing your friend as a roommate. Discuss how it could possibly change your relationship, and how you can avoid the possible negative changes and protect your friendship. If you opt to go random, remember that you can still be comfortable. Get to know them prior to moving in and remember to still set guidelines about living together so that you can take proper care of making sure that becoming roommates goes smoothly.
When the going gets tough, random roommates may be the better option
Think of how close you and your friend are, and how you solve conflicts that come up between you. Maybe one of you has bailed on set plans before, leading to the other giving the cold shoulder. How did you solve the conflict and resume your friendship?
If you have realized how fights have negatively impacted your friendship in the past, becoming roommates may not be the next best step for your friendship. There are bound to be conflicts between roommates, no matter how small, and you do not want small conflicts to ruin your friendship. The dishes were left in the sink for more than a few days, or maybe your friend keeps bringing their boyfriend over. These things would do little to no harm to your actual friendship, but when it comes to being roommates on top of being friends, the small roommate conflicts can become personal and rather ugly.
If you are nowhere near sure on how becoming roommates can affect your friendship, you may want to stick to the option of getting a random roommate. There is a greater chance that their living habits will not clash with yours if you are getting matched through a survey-based system and is there an even greater chance your social circle will come out of the leasing plan unscathed if you pick a random roommate.
You won’t have to worry about how roommate conflicts will negatively impact your personal relationship with your roommate if you are simply roommate. If they really do end up being your own personal roommate horror story, you can stick it out until the end of your lease without having to worry about lasting damages to your personal life.
Being able to choose your own roommate may seem like the easiest option at a glance when you can pick your own friend, but it may not be the simplest option when you think about the lasting consequences.
Do not let everyone else’s roommate experiences shape your own roommate experiences. Remember that the choice between getting a random roommate or choosing your own roommate has no right or wrong answer. Pick whatever choice you are going to be more comfortable with because it is going to be the decision you are going to be living with.
When Things Go Wrong: Roommate Conflicts and How to Move Forward
Living with another person is not always sunshine and roses. Especially in situations in which you have met for the first time, living with a roommate requires a large amount of compromise, patience and understanding, all of which can be difficult in a stressful, college situation.
Roommate conflict, though never fun, is very common in college, so much so that resident advisors and other individuals in the dorms are more than prepared to settle disputes between residents.
Given the abundance of roommate conflict and the lack of experience for most students in this department, here are ten common conflicts as well as how to move forward.
1. Cleanliness
All too common in college dorm rooms, or even apartments for that matter, conflicts that arise due to cleanliness are perhaps the most common. Typically, you will end up in a room with an individual that is different than you in terms of their organization and cleaning style. For this reason, conflict can easily arise in these situations.
The conflicts typically involve a roommate that prefers everything to be clean and one that doesn’t care about cleanliness. No matter which individual you are, the conflict is likely to arise at some point.
The best way to deal with such arguments is to simply think about the other person and what they need from you. If you’re the roommate that is a bit messier, work a little harder to keep your side of the room clean. Conversely, if you’re the cleaner roommate, have a little more patience with the individual you are living with.
You can’t change another person, but you can change the way that you act and react to a situation, so make those changes and these conflicts will be cleared up in no time.
2. Sleep
Another common conflict that arises is related to sleep. Each roommate will have a very different schedule, which typically means that their sleep schedule is also different. This can certainly cause issues, especially if you’re living in close proximity, i.e. a dorm room.
Perhaps one of you goes to bed too early or stays up too late for the other roommate’s comfort. Or maybe one person needs the TV on to sleep and the other can’t sleep when it’s on. There are plenty of minor conflicts that can arise when it comes to sleep, and given the importance of sleep, these conflicts can also escalate rather quickly.
The best way to manage sleep-related conflicts is again to think of the other individual. Compromise is going to work the best in these situations, so figure out a way in which you can both get what you want.
For instance, if one of you needs the TV on, have that person play Netflix or stream TV shows through their laptop or phone with headphones. That way, it’s quiet and dark for the other individual and both people can get the sleep they need.
In addition, if you’re a bit of a night owl and your roommate isn’t, be courteous and do something that isn’t too loud/distracting so your roommate can get some sleep. You can also always go somewhere else to give them some extra quiet time.
3. Food
Especially in apartment living, food-related conflicts are abundant. Most roommates have a shared pantry/fridge in which their food is accessible to everyone. Some roommates go shopping together and split everything while others shop separately and mark their food items with their names.
Either way, there is always the potential of one roommate monopolizing the room in the shared space, eating someone else’s food and/or not pitching in enough money for the groceries that they are using.
The opportunities here for conflict are endless, which is why it’s so important to come up with a plan amongst your roommates that works for everyone. For instance, if you plan on sharing food, make sure that you all share food equally. In other words, don’t take more than your fair share. If you plan on buying food separately, mark everything with your name and don’t take anyone else’s food.
Basically, just be courteous and understand that shared food plans can be a cause for conflict, so go out of your way to ensure that doesn’t happen.
4. Homework
It’s college, which means there is going to be plenty of homework involved. Both you and your roommate will have homework to complete, but the amount that you have as well as the time it will take you to complete that homework is where the conflicts are going to arise.
One roommate may find that they have more homework than the other all the time, and these situations can mean one roommate is watching TV or something else distracting while the other is trying to work. There are going to be noise related conflicts here, one time or another, so it’s important to get ahead of the problem.
If you know you will have more homework than usual, or you know you need silence to complete your work, don’t do it in your shared space. Instead, go to the library or another quiet location in which you can complete your work.
It’s unfair to put the burden of silence onto your roommate in their own room, so make sure you’re being courteous and polite by removing yourself from the equation in these situations.
5. Company
You may have similar or shared friends, or you may have different groups of friends than your roommate, but having company over is another cause for conflict in some situations.
There are situations in which one roommate doesn’t like the other’s friends or vice versa, which can cause serious problems in a living situation. In addition, many college students have visitors that spend the night, which can also be a point of conflict in living situations.
The best way to deal with these types of conflicts is to communicate with your roommate. If you’re planning on having company, let them know. And don’t wait until the last minute. Give your roommate enough notice that they can make other plans if wanted.
In addition, be courteous as far as noise goes when you have company and you know your roommate is working on homework etc. The more you think about the other individual, the less likely a conflict is to arise in these situations.
6. Bills
Of course, there are always conflicts surrounding money, and paying your bills is no different. One roommate may be consistently late in paying their bills, someone may not contribute at all or someone may always end up paying more than anyone else.
Money conflicts aren’t unique to college, but given the shared bills, they are more likely. With that being said, there are very simple ways to avoid such conflicts.
The first way is to split up the bills fairly and evenly. Make sure everyone is paying their fair share and that no one individual is unfairly paying more than others. In addition, make sure there is a schedule and/or clear method of payment.
Set a schedule so that, by a certain date, every individual knows their bill is due. This way, there is less likely to be delays and/or problems related to late payments etc.
7. Thermostat
A minor conflict, but one that will probably come up, thermostat related conflicts are common in college. It may sound silly, but it’s absolutely true.
Some individuals are always cold, some are always hot. This is a problem that comes up in many shared spaces, but with roommates, it can cause some serious conflict. Either conflict comes up about the temperature itself or about the bills associated with using the thermostat. Both conflicts are avoidable, but require communication on everyone’s end.
The best way to avoid these conflicts is to have an agreed upon plan for usage. For instance, always having it set to a certain temperature will help avoid problems in which people are changing the thermostat. In addition, agreeing upon when to use and not to use the heat/air will help immensely in avoiding conflicts later on.
Come up with your plans ahead of time so that everyone is on the same page when it comes to thermostat usage. If you do that, the conflicts can easily be avoided. Communication is always key!
8. Shared Bathrooms
Sharing a bathroom with someone else is always a pain point, but when you have the same schedule as your roommate, it can become a much bigger issue.
Some roommates will take longer in the bathroom and prevent their roommate from using it when they need to, some will be messier than the other and cause problems, one may monopolize all of the space in the bathroom or use the other’s things - the possibilities for conflict here are endless.
Avoiding conflict here isn’t as easy as you would think, but again, communication is going to be your best method. For one thing, make sure that you split the space evenly. If you have more things than your space allows, keep them in your room to avoid taking over your roommate’s space.
In addition, only use the bathroom for as long as necessary. If you know your roommate has class at the same time as you, be quick and don’t spend too much time in the bathroom. If you can get ready in your room, do that. Monopolizing bathroom time is never a good thing, so keep that in mind. Just think of the other individual in these situations and you will be just fine.
9. TV Time
Some roommates will have TVs in their own rooms, which avoids this conflict entirely. However, for those sharing a TV, arguments can ensue about what to watch. Again, it seems minor, but it can create bigger problems in a living situation.
One roommate may monopolize the TV all day and night, both may not agree on a show to watch or one could monopolize the DVR and prevent the other individuals in the room from taping their shows.
Sharing a TV can be problematic, but being fair and splitting time evenly is the easiest way to resolve these conflicts.
For one thing, everyone can get the same amount of time with the TV so that the time spent is even. You can split this up however you see fit, but ensure that everyone gets their fair share of time. Second, if there is more than one person in the room, agree on a show before turning it on. Don’t monopolize the TV. Finally, make sure everyone is able to record the shows that they want. If they can’t compromise.
The more effort you put into ensuring the shared TV time is fair, the less likely any conflicts are to arise.
10. Lifestyle Differences
Last, though not least by any means, there are likely to be lifestyle differences between roommates, which can cause major problems in terms of roommate conflicts.
One roommate may like going out with large groups during the week while the other likes quiet nights in alone. One may be a couch potato and the other might be very active. There are so many differences in terms of lifestyle that can set you and your roommate apart and cause problems.
The best way to avoid such conflicts is, again, to be patient and understanding. You’re likely not going to get someone as a roommate that’s exactly like you, so go into the situation knowing that. You are unique, and so are they. Work together to get along and understand the other person to avoid any future conflicts.
Again, roommate conflicts aren’t fun, but they are common, which means that you’re more than likely going to experience them at least once in your college experience. With that being said, there are plenty of ways to resolve them and move forward, and hopefully, this article has given you a better understanding of just how that can be done.
Moving forward from here, make sure that you show a certain level of patience, kindness and understanding, and know that a roommate conflict is common and therefore not the end of the world. Just focus on your studies and you’ll be just fine!
How to Handle Your Roommate Moving All the Furniture Constantly
Roommates—you either love them or hate them. They are your best friends or your worst enemies. In college especially, roommates are a huge part of your experience and you do not want them to be responsible for making or breaking your experience.
Oftentimes, roommates come with their little quirks and quibbles. They might like to do their laundry at 3 AM or they might not be able to stand having dishes in the sink. College is also a very stressful time, and people deal with stress in different ways. Your roommate will probably handle and deal with stress in a way that is different from how you would. Different is not always bad, something you need to keep in mind when dealing with a stressed-out roommate.
One common way that people deal with stress is by moving furniture around. Constantly moving furniture around is often a sign of anxiety. PanicAway says, “Someone who fears that things will be out of control may constantly arrange and rearrange furniture or objects in the home.”
Perhaps your roommate is one of these people, and when they move around furniture, they not only move their own furniture but the furniture in the common spaces as well, which can be frustrating for you. So, what do you do when your roommate does this? Read on to learn some tips on handling your roommate moving all of the furniture constantly.
Be Understanding
Like mentioned before, it must be remembered that just because something handles a situation differently than you would does not mean that it is bad. And even if it is not the most positive way to handle things, you must be careful not to cast judgment because that can oftentimes make a situation worse. You should not judge someone for handling things differently than you, and if someone is not handling a situation well, get them help instead of judging them.
Most importantly, be understanding. Your roommate is probably not moving the furniture in order to frustrate you or because they actually enjoy moving the furniture. It is more of a compulsion. They often feel they need or have to move the furniture in order to stay in control of their own lives. This might not seem like a clear correlation to you, but it is incredibly meaningful for them.
So, if they must move the furniture, try and be understanding of that and try to work with them or find ways to make the situation more manageable.
Set Boundaries
So, your roommate has a compulsion to move around the furniture in your common spaces. You are already making the first step, by being understanding that they need to do it in order to find relief from stress. You understand that they have to move the furniture. However, just because they need to move the furniture does not mean that they can just do so willy-nilly. You can be understanding, but within reason.
You have to set boundaries so that your roommate does not go too far and upset you with their actions, even if inadvertently. If there is something that would really bother you, like having your belongings moved or touched, or if they move the one chair in the apartment you actually like sitting in, you need to let them know. You have to tell them the things that they are not allowed to do so they know that if they do so, they will actually upset you. They need rules so that they do not overstep their bounds. Doing so will give them more structure when moving the furniture and stop them from doing something that will upset you, which would probably stress them out more, and so they are more likely to follow the boundaries you set.
Set Curfews
Lastly, even if you have been understanding and even if you have set boundaries, there is one more step to keep your relationship with your roommate harmonious even if they insist on constantly moving around the furniture is to set a curfew. Maybe it is fine. Their furniture is not a big deal to you. You understand their compulsion and appreciate that they respect your boundaries. However, what you cannot tolerate is your roommate deciding to rearrange all the furniture at 3 AM when you are trying to sleep.
There is nothing like being woken up in the wee hours of the morning to the screeching sound of a couch being tugged and pulled across the floor, scraping its way as it goes. Be clear about when the quiet hours in your apartment are and when it is an acceptable time for your roommate to be moving the furniture. They should be observant of your requests in order to keep the peace.
Why A Chore Chart Is A Necessity When Living With Roommates
When living with roommates, it’s difficult to make sure everyone does their share in keeping the room (or apartment) clean. The solution to this problem is to create a chore chart. In this chore chart, you and your roommates can agree on who does which chores and when they do them.
A chore chart will make everyone’s responsibilities clear. There will be no arguments about who has which responsibilities, because they will be clearly spelled out in the chore chart. Also, a chore chart will ensure that not just one person does all the work. It’s way too easy for all the cleaning responsibilities to fall on one roommate, but that’s not fair! A chore chart will prevent this from happening. Finally, it will ensure that your place stays clean. If everyone does their share, there won’t be a chance for the place to get dirty. And you can easily make a chore chart, too. Here are a few reasons why a chore chart is a necessity when living with roommates.
It makes everyone’s responsibilities crystal clear
A chore chart clearly indicates everyone’s responsibilities: who must do which chores and when they must do it. Without a chore chart, it’s easy to argue your way out of having to do a chore because there is no way to keep track of who did which chore. Someone can easily say, “I shouldn’t have to do the dishes today because I did them yesterday,” even if they did not do the dishes yesterday.
However, when a group of roommates has a chore chart, everyone’s responsibilities are crystal clear. There is no room for argument. For example, no one can say that it’s someone else’s turn to do the dishes when it isn’t, because the chore chart will clearly dictate who needs to do the dishes. The chore chart will indicate that it is A’s turn to do the dishes, so she can’t claim that B should do them today. No one will forget what chores they need to do, and when they need to do it.
It ensures that one person doesn’t do all the work
Many times, when a group of roommates doesn’t have a chore chart, one person is left doing all the chores. Sure, it’s a good arrangement for the roommates who aren’t cleaning up after themselves, but it is extremely unfair to the one who is! In order to be fair and to have all the roommates do their equal share of chores, you should make a chore chart. The chore chart will equally assign chores to different people, so that all the chores can get done without putting the entire burden on one roommate. Chore charts ensure that one person doesn’t have to do all the work.
It will prevent roommates from becoming resentful toward each other
It seems silly, but when one roommate is constantly leaving messes, the other roommates could get irritated with her. If it goes on long enough, they could even become resentful toward her. A chore chart, if everyone respects it, will make sure that everyone cleans up after themselves, and will keep you all from getting irritated with each other. It will stop many fights before they even start.
It invites conversation about cleanliness standards
Different people have different expectations about how clean they want their place to be. When you and your roommates make a chore chart, it invites a conversation about peoples’ cleanliness standards. You will need to discuss how often things will need to be cleaned. Are all your roommates neat-freaks who want the room to be cleaned daily? Or are they okay with cleaning only on the weekend? (Okay, that’s a little exaggerated, but you get the point!) This conversation will help you understand your roommates better and will show you what to expect when you live with them.
It ensures that the place stays clean
Finally, when you have a chore chart (and if all the roommates complete the chores that are assigned to them!), your apartment or room will stay clean because you will be on top of your chores. Without a chore chart, it might be hard to keep track of when the place was last cleaned, and you don’t want that!
If you live with roommates, it might be tricky to keep the apartment (or room) clean. But if you and your roommates design a chore chart, it will make your lives much easier. For starters, everyone will know when it’s their turn to clean up. It also ensures that everyone chips in, one person doesn’t have to do all the chores by themselves. Finally, if you and your roommate follow the chore chart, it ensures that your place will stay clean. For these reasons, you and your roommates should make a chore chart. It’s quick, easy, and will save you from many fights and problems.
7 Ways to Promote Better Communication Between You and Your Roommates
By Julia Dunn
Living on campus can be extremely challenging for college students. They’re away from their families and friends at home, and now they must share a small single room with people they only know from the university Facebook group. You might not know your roommates at all before move-in, but communicating with them will only be challenging if you allow it to be; here are seven ways to promote better communication between you and your roommates.
1.) Create a group chat
Need an easy way to check in with roommates and let them know about details related to your shared room? Start a group chat! Depending on what you and your roommates prefer, you can use text messages or Facebook messenger to create a group that works for everyone.
2.) Learn more about their communication styles
This is one of the best ways to strengthen your bond with your roommates. Before you get too deep into week one of the semester/quarter, suggest to your roommates that you go out for coffee and chat about what each of you needs from one another in order to coexist peacefully. If one of you prefers in-person communication and another prefers using media (texting, email, even writing a letter), you should know that as early as possible. Understanding your roommates’ communication preferences can prevent misunderstandings or issues down the line.
3.) Leave messages for one another
An article by apartmentratings.com suggests two ways to communicate for roommates who might not all be in the same room together very often: “A sticky note is a friendly way to leave a reminder and get a task started. For example, if a roommate doesn’t proactively clean, post a note like this, “Hey, I’m going to mop the floor today, want to tackle the bathroom? Text me!”
A dry erase board is [also] a fun way to share things; maybe one day it’s chore-duty and the next is an invite to your friend’s happy hour. If you want to get creative, there’s chalkboard paint that can be found at any hardware store.”
If you choose to go the sticky-note and whiteboard route, make sure your messages don’t come off as dismissive or angry. Some roommates really dislike coming home to their room and finding a note taped to their desk that calls them out for forgetting to take the trash out (again). The tone of a message can significantly affect the content, so use caution and talk to your roommates about whether they’re okay with these types of messages.
4.) Spend time together
The closer you are to your roommates, the easier it’ll be to communicate with them. Try to go on regular outings and adventures—get to know their interests and dislikes, pet peeves, and personal needs. For instance, you may not know right away that your roommate struggles to get homework done if it’s noisy in your room. Knowing what your roommates need is essential to living together with minimal discomfort.
5.) Make a habit of being direct
Never pretend everything’s okay if it isn’t. It only makes things worse—both for you and for your roommates who might be on the receiving end of any passive aggression you might be dishing out. If you express yourself right away when things turn sour, you can work as a team to generate a sustainable solution to the problem.
6.) Hold regular roommate meetings
It might sound a little silly, but holding the classic “family meeting” with your roommates can be a useful way to improve your communication. There’s nobody forcing you meet for an extensive amount of time--it could be 5 minutes--and it’s always helpful to check in even if things are going well. Things you might bring up at a roommate meeting:
● “Is it okay if my friend Marie spends the night on Labor day?”
● “Can we all remember to check that the fridge is closed all the way after we open it? It has trouble closing sometimes.”
● “Where should we go to celebrate Halloween together?”
Checking in is never a bad idea!
7.) Reach out for support
Sometimes, conversations with your roommates might not go as planned. You might find that the presence of a third party could help facilitate your conversations. If you’re living in the dorms, you should have what’s called a Resident Assistant (sometimes called Community or Neighborhood Assistant)—a student leader whose job it is to maintain a healthy, happy community on your floor.
Usually, conflict resolution is a huge chunk of their job description, and that person should be well-trained in active listening and mediation. You can even choose to just consult with your RA one on one to prepare for a challenging confrontation with your roommates. RAs can be great sources of support and advice even if they don’t physically sit in on a particular roommate conversation.
Ultimately, the key to roommate communication is simple: be clear, be direct, and be compassionate for one another.
13 Fun Extracurriculars to do With Your Roommate
For many people, the “college experience” is about so much more than just slogging through days, weeks, and months crammed with classes and hours spent studying in the library. Rather, college is also about the relationships you build with others and the new, interesting things you get to do on campus.
One person you’ll probably end up spending a lot of time around is your roommate. After all, the two of you (or maybe there are more of you!) come back to the same room every day, spend time studying and doing homework there, and sleep next to each other at night. Whether you are super buddy-buddy with your roommate or the most you ever say to them is “good morning” and “good night,” there are many opportunities on your college campus to bond with your roommate in a fun way. Even if you are a little hesitant at first, give it a try! Your roommate will most likely appreciate the effort you are putting into getting to know them better, whether it’s the very beginning of a new semester or the end of an entire school year together.
Read on for a few ideas on fun things to do with your roommate.
1. Explore the campus.
If it’s the beginning of the year and you and your roommate aren’t completely familiar with the campus yet, exploring the campus together might be a good idea. You can kill two birds with one stone: not only will you both know the campus better by the end of your outing, but you’ll also know each other better. Walking around together will give you time to familiarize yourselves with the locations of certain buildings and talk about things that you have in common. For example, maybe you happen to come across the chemistry building and realize that both of you will be taking a chemistry class together.
2. Hit the gym.
Taking advantage of the gym on campus is a great way to bond with your roommate. Whether the two of you are bona fide fitness junkies or novices, the gym is a good place to explore and have fun together. Encouraging each other to work out – maybe twenty minutes on the treadmill one day, an ab workout the next day – could be a wonderful way for you to spend more time with your roommate, get to know him or her better, and cultivate healthy habits together.
3. Take a fitness class together.
If neither of you is particularly suited for figuring things out on your own when you go to the gym, you might want to sign up for a fitness class instead. A class will help you narrow down what kind of exercise you want to do and provide some structure to your workout. Your college is sure to offer a variety of fitness classes at the campus fitness center – from yoga to dance to kickboxing. Take advantage of these free classes and get your sweat on with your roommate.
After all, going to a class with someone else is usually more fun and less intimidating than showing up alone. The two of you will be able to have fun trying out the class together. Especially if it’s something new and different that neither of you has ever tried before – say, Brazilian jiu-jitsu – you’ll be by each other’s side trying it out for the first time, laughing with one another, and lending each other moral support.
4. Watch a show being offered on campus.
Many colleges have theater and arts programs showcased on campus that are open for students, faculty and staff, and the general public. Often, these programs include theatrical performances such as plays and musical concerts, which students can get into for free or at least for a discounted price.
Taking advantage of these great opportunities could be a wonderful way for you and your roommate to have some fun together and be exposed to new and different forms of culture in the arts.
One benefit is being able to see stage performances for cheap right on the comfort of your own campus, which elsewhere would probably cost you an arm and a leg.
You also get to attend the performances to support your friends and fellow classmates, who have probably worked extremely hard to perform well in the plays, orchestra concerts, jazz ensembles, and whatever else the school offers.
What’s more, attending these functions allows you to find out more about what your roommate likes and doesn’t like. Maybe he isn’t the biggest fan of musicals, but he loves wind ensemble concerts. Ultimately, going to a performance together will give you the chance to figure each other out a little bit … and maybe even discover some things you have in common.
5. Take advantage of other free programs your college offers.
In addition to theater performances, your college may also offer a variety of other free programs such as concerts showcasing contemporary bands and performers, comedians, hypnotists, and educational talks, just to name a few. These kinds of events are also really great to take advantage of, since – again – you can probably get tickets for free or at least much cheaper than they normally would be elsewhere. Attending these events can be a great way to spend a Friday or Saturday night with your roommate. You can go together, have a good time during the show, and still have something to talk about afterward.
6. Take an art class.
One of the free programs your college offers may be art classes. Even if you or your roommate is not particularly artistic, checking out a class might be worthwhile. If anything, you can both have fun creating something new, and at the end will have that creation to keep and remind you of the great time you had together.
7. Check out some on-campus functions.
You probably get a whole slew of emails daily to your college email account, notifying you of this and that event happening on campus. During the week as well as weekends, your school is likely to be buzzing with activity and energy thanks to all of the scheduled events going on. From school formals to on-campus farmers markets to late night movie screenings, there are plenty of fun and exciting events to check out. Plus, they are all the more fun when you have someone to come along with you! So as soon as you hear about an event that sounds interesting to you, grab your roommate and pay a visit. You may end up being pleasantly surprised.
8. Go to a sporting event.
This may or may not be for you (or for your roommate) depending on how much either of you enjoys sports. But even if sports is not really your thing, going to a game or a match can certainly give you something to do on a nice weather day, especially on a weekend afternoon. Depending on the season, you have a whole array of sports to choose from – for example, football in the fall, basketball in the winter, lacrosse in the spring. Simply showing up and being surrounded by people on your campus with lots of pep may just help get your school spirit up too! Then you and your roommate will have the chance to spectate at the game and cheer on your school’s players in a pumped up, exhilarating atmosphere.
9. Join a club.
One of the most effective ways for students to get involved on campus and make the most of the extracurriculars being offered is to join a club. No matter what kind of club it is – whether a dance club, a cultural club, etc. – being part of one is sure to make you and your roommate feel that you belong there. Especially if it’s a club that meshes well with your personal interests, you are likely to feel welcomed into a community of like-minded people.
Volunteer and community outreach clubs are also great clubs for you and your roommate to join together on campus. Even when it seems that there may not be other common interests you and your roommate share, a community service club could be a good option. Not only do you get to spend time making friends and working alongside others to give back to the community, but you also get to add the experience to your resume. You can kill two birds with one stone!
10. Join an intramural sport.
One option among the many clubs you can join is an intramural sports team. If you and your roommate happened to play sports in high school but perhaps didn’t want to play at a high level in college, an intramural sports team is perfect for both of you. (Even if you didn’t play sports before, an intramural team is still a great way to be introduced to the sport in a welcoming, relatively low-stress, low-pressure environment.) Take advantage of the different club sports your college offers and bring your roommate along with you. And even if you both decide you didn’t like it and never want to go back, at least you can say you tried it – and you will have another great memory to look back on.
11. Plan a trip and travel with your roommate.
Something you can do with your roommate, separate from school, is travel together. Planning trips with friends is always fun and is a fantastic way to get to know them better.
Get together with your roommate and decide where you want to travel. The destination could be somewhere in the United States or, if the two of you already know each other fairly well and are feeling a bit adventurous, somewhere abroad. Think about your itinerary – what you want to do, where you want to go, and on what days. Planning when it comes to traveling is super important, as you want to make sure you’re not stepping on anyone else’s toes. In this sense, planning a trip with your roommate will help you learn more about his or her preferences, as well as allow you to work collaboratively with him or her to plan something that both of you can thoroughly enjoy.
12. Attend a student activities fair.
Perhaps an extracurricular in and of itself, a student activities fair is an excellent place to learn more about what the university has to offer in terms of clubs, organizations, and other things to do in your free time. As you and your roommate walk around the fair, you will each get your own ideas of what looks interesting and what doesn’t. Simply exploring your college in this way can open a lot of doors for further conversation between you and your roommate, as you both figure out what you want to become involved in.
13. Decorate together.
With the two of you living together at school, you are bound to be spending a lot of time in the same room. That means you will both need to be happy with the way the room looks – and what better way to ensure that than to decorate it together?
Talk to your roommate about how each of you wants the room to look. If there’s a certain aesthetic the two of you are going for, discussing it will make it that much easier and will allow you to work together to achieve that look. If you aren’t gunning for a specific look, simply coming to an agreement will suffice. You can help each other decorate by hanging up pictures on the walls, rearranging furniture, hanging up lights, etc. Doing so might just bring you closer as you help one another and discover more about each other’s decorative preferences.
Ultimately, there are many fun things you and your roommate can do together whether on or off campus. Talk to your roommate, pick something that looks interesting to both of you, and enjoy!
7 Types of College Roommates You're Likely to Experience
Having to deal with the complexity of college roommates is a part of a huge life transition for most of today's college students. Every fall, thousands of college freshmen move into their new home with a stranger, transitioning their life on multiple levels all at the same time. College is completely different from high school in many ways -- but the most drastic difference between these two times in a student's life is that college means living with someone that you've likely never met before. Maybe you did your fair share of "stalking them" on social media. Maybe you even took the plunge and started messaging them in the middle of the summer.
Or maybe you took the liberty of finding a roommate on your own. Finding a quality roommate can be really tough, but in the end, might be worth it.
Regardless of how you and your roommate ended up together, the space you will share is probably the smallest area you'll ever share with someone else for a long period of time, meaning there's quite a bit of adjustment to do. One of the biggest transitions in college is learning how to live with someone you don't know.
Resident Assistants (RAs) are upperclassmen who are hired to live in dorms to help the process of this transition, as well as to keep an eye on rowdy college freshmen. RAs will try to encourage roommates to talk to each other - discuss the hard stuff. I remember my freshman year college roommate contract included questions like:
How often will you have guests spend the night?
Do you prefer to shower in the morning or the evening?
On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being extremely clean, how clean do you consider yourself?
RAs were trying to get us to have conversations with our new roommates that would help us solve issues down the road. Of course, there's a pretty big learning curve when it comes to living with someone else. So our "roommate contract" didn't solve everything. But my freshman year roommate was just the beginning.
As college students progress through their college years, it is likely that they'll have to continue living with people. Living on your own is extremely expensive. And student loans are already weighing down today's college students, so saving money on rent is even more important than ever.
During college, you'll likely experience many different kinds of roommates. You'll also discover what kind of roommate you are in the meantime. Here are the 7 types of college roommates that everyone will likely experience at some point in their college career:
1. The Roommate Who's Still Attached to Their Parents
While everyone experiences a different kind of transition when going to college, it's hard to live with someone who's still really attached to their parents. It's one thing to call your mom on the first day of class to let her know how your professors seem, but it's a completely different ball game when you're asking your parents to help you with your homework and make your decisions for you.
Don't get me wrong, there were multiple times throughout college that I asked for my parents' advice. Whether it was advice on how many hours to take during summer school, or financial aid advice, that's what parents are there for! However, it's completely different when you look to your parents to make your daily life decisions.
Living with someone in college who depends on their parents this much is incredibly frustrating. It'll begin with their parents staying for a few days at the beginning of the semester. They'll use the excuse that they "just want to make sure their student is settled in." While it might not sound like that big of a deal at the moment, just wait until you've attended your first "pre-semester party" and you wake up extremely hungover to your roommate's mom putting away your roommate's clothes.
If you end up with a college roommate who's still extremely attached to their parents, chances are, you'll be extremely frustrated within a matter of days.
What's the best way to handle this kind of roommate? Detach yourself from them. Make your own decisions. Distance yourself. Just because the umbilical cord hasn't been cut from their tummy, doesn't mean yours hasn't, either.
2. The Roommate Who Never Cleans
I'd say this is one of the more common roommate situations for today's college students. Living with someone who doesn't know how to clean up after themselves is a total pain. You'll constantly feel like you're the "mom," picking up after them, cleaning dishes, vacuuming, and taking out the trash. It's frustrating, and you start to resent them.
When you live in a dorm room as a freshman or sophomore, it might not be as obvious. But when you start sharing an apartment with someone who doesn't clean, it becomes really obvious. Finding an apartment is tough in and of itself, but finding the perfect apartment and the perfect roommates to go with it is really tough. If you have roommates who never empty the dishwasher, leave their dirty dishes in the sink, never vacuum, and leave their wet clothes in the washer for days at a time.. you're going to be stressed before the semester even begins.
If you get stuck with this kind of roommate: suggest a cleaning schedule, or splitting up chores. It's probably best to set these boundaries in the beginning, but if you don't, there's still time. Instead of making your roommate feel like they're a lazy piece of crap (though they very well might be), tell them that you feel like splitting the chores is the fairest thing to do, as roommates.
3. The Roommate Who's Really High Maintenance
Roommates who are "really high maintenance" require a ton of attention. Every second that you're in the room together, they're talking to you, asking you questions, or getting your advice on their latest relationship drama. Roommates who are high maintenance can wear you out pretty quickly.
Typically, these roommates are incredibly insecure. They need your advice/opinion on every single decision they're faced with. They're struggling to make the transition to college.
How should you handle living with this type of roommate? Much like the other examples, distance yourself. Encourage them to make decisions for themselves. Every time they ask for your opinion, follow up with "what do you think about....?"
Encouraging them to think for themselves will help them with their transition. Remember that not everyone does so well with this major life transition.
4. The Roommate Who Wants to be Your Best Friend
Sometimes you get paired with someone who wants to be your roommate and your best friend. Sometimes this is good -- but sometimes it can get annoying. Roommates are good company when it comes to studying and staying up late listening to music, but if you end up living with someone who's also your best friend, more than likely you're going to get pretty annoyed/frustrated with them pretty quickly.
The best way to deal with this kind of roommate is: to distance yourself a little. You'll have to interact with them often enough just living together. So if you can, consider just being "roommates" with your roommate. Draw your own boundaries. Otherwise, I promise it won't take long until you're about to explode with frustration and annoyance.
5. The Roommate Who Never Has Any Fun
Maybe you've figured out the balance between studying and partying -- and maybe you haven't. Regardless of your own situation, if you're living with someone who's a complete stick in the mud, it might be hard to adjust. If you're always coming home to your dorm room and your roommate is there, it's probably going to get pretty annoying.
It's tough to live with someone who never gives you "alone time." And it can be totally exhausting to feel like you're always entertaining someone, or at least entertaining conversation with them.
At some point in college, you'll have to live with someone who's a totally home-body. The best way to handle a roommate like this: is to bring up the topic of when they'll be visiting family for the weekend, or suggest they get involved in some clubs on campus. Suggesting social activities may push them to make some friends and put some events on their social calendar, which will mean you'll have the room to yourself every now and then.
6. The Roommate Who Came to College to Party
This is likely one of the more rampant types of roommates on a college campus. When high schoolers transition into their new college life, they're overwhelmed with the number of distractions that are available. Pretty soon, they have a tough time getting themselves to class, and instead, spend the majority of their time at parties all across campus. Sure, they're making tons of friends and memories, but they're also probably pretty deep in debt with pretty terrible grades.
It's hard to live with someone like this, because it's tough to keep up with your studies when you're constantly tempted to go out and have fun with them. More than anything, living with a roommate like this means you run the risk of "looking like" the nerdy one. When they bring people over to pre-game and you're waist-deep in your Chemistry assignment, it'll look like you're a stick in the mud.
But what's important about learning how to deal with this kind of roommate is: know that you're being the more responsible student when you choose to study over going out all the time. Your studies are way more important than a few nights of "fun." And once you get into the routine of going out often, it's hard to get yourself back on track. It's much easier to just stay focused and not risk your academic success, in my opinion.
If you get stuck with a roommate who likes to party more than you do and it makes you uncomfortable - know that you're completely within your rights to request a room transfer. This happens at colleges all the time. Especially with freshmen. Especially within the first few weeks of college. It's tough to "match people" up without knowing who they are. So don't be too hard on the housing department and gently request to be transferred at the beginning of the following semester.
7. The Roommate Who Isn't Considerate At All
More than likely, at some point in college, you'll have to live with a roommate who seems to have no respect for other people at all. They'll bring people over without asking. They'll play music loudly in the middle of the night. They'll make tons of noise when they come in while you're sleeping.
It's tough to live with someone who doesn't seem to have any consideration for other people. The best way to deal with this type of roommate: is to avoid trying to make them be considerate. You can't change other people. You can only control your own behaviors. So instead, approach them (gently) and tell them what bothers you. Set some ground rules. Tell them you'd really prefer if they let you know when they're going to be having people over.
College roommates can be tough -- but they can also turn into some of your very best friends. People hold their college roommates in high regard, even inviting them to their wedding, or having them involved in their children's lives later on down the road. Friendships from college should be cherished. If you don't end up being life-long friends with your college roommate, that's okay. You'll surely make plenty of other friends you'll want to keep in touch with over the years.
If you feel like you keep running into problems with roommates, it might be time to analyze what kind of roommate you are. Maybe you hold people to really high standards. Maybe you're a perfectionist and you're overly worried about the actions of others. It's easy to be frustrated with people who aren't like you. It's easy to be frustrated with other college students who don't seem to be as mature as you are. Remember that you are in control of your own life. If you need to live alone throughout your college years, that's okay. Bite the bullet, take out the extra student loans, and make sure you're in an environment where you can be the most successful.
4 Things to Know Before Moving In with a Roommate of the Opposite Sex
Living with roommates almost always requires some compromise and effort on all sides in order to make the space comfortable for everyone. When living with a roommate of the opposite sex, this becomes even more important. You may each have different things in mind for what constitutes a good living situation, as well as a good roommate situation, so you’ll have to keep some things in mind when moving in for the first time with a roommate of the opposite sex. Though having a good relationship with your roommates is definitely a two-way street, there are some ways that you can prepare yourself to ensure that you do your best in making the relationship work. To make sure you get off to a good start with your new roommate, check out this list of things that you should know before moving in with a roommate of the opposite sex.
1. You Might Have Different Expectations
While this can apply in many situations, it’s especially relevant when living with a roommate of the opposite sex: you may have different ideas in mind in terms of how close you want to be with each other. You might be going into your new living situation with the expectation that you and your roommate are going to be best friends, while they’re simply looking for someone to split the rent with.
Most importantly, make sure you keep your feelings in check; if you start to fall for your roommate but they’re not interested, the situation could become awkward and even painful, so if you feel like you’re developing feelings, it’s a good idea to get some distance.
2. There May Be Differences in Communication
One thing that you should definitely be aware of before moving in with a roommate of the opposite sex is that each of you may communicate differently. For instance, if you’re used to living with girls, you might be used to talking through everything, from the rules and guidelines you want to have for living in the apartment to the responsibilities of each roommate in keeping the space clean and tidy. Guys, on the other hand, may favor just going with the flow, rather than talking out every potential issue that could arise.
In addition, when conflicts do arise, you might find that your roommate has a different way of communicating about them. Guys do tend to be more upfront about issues, and might confront you about it directly—so try not to be offended if your roommate tells you flat-out that you’re annoying him. Girls might be less upfront, so you may have to do some inferring if they seem to be upset by something. Overall, make sure you go into your new living situation with an open mind, and accept that your new roommate may have a different way of expressing him or herself. If you’re open, it’ll be much easier to work things out in the future!
3. Know Their Deal-Breakers
Everyone has different preferences and expectations in terms of what they want from their living situation, and it’s important to know what your future roommate is and is not willing to put up with before you move in together. Find out the areas that are deal-breakers for your roommate; for instance, if they’re not okay with living in a messy apartment, you’ll have to keep that in mind once you move in together.
You should also make sure that you discuss your daily habits, to avoid annoying or uncomfortable situations. For instance, take note of what time you each wake up in the morning, when you like to use the bathroom, and how often you use the kitchen. When living with a roommate of the opposite sex, you should also broach habits that might make one of you uncomfortable; for instance, if you tend to leave your laundry lying around or if you like to walk around without a shirt on, make sure your roommate is aware of and okay with that.
4. Know Their Relationship Status
The danger of living with a roommate of the opposite sex is that if your relationship statuses aren’t clear to each other, things can easily become complicated or awkward. It’s a good idea to be upfront about any existing relationships as soon as you move in together, so that you’ll know exactly where you stand if any feelings develop. This can definitely help you avoid some uncomfortable situations later on down the road. In addition, both you and your roommate should know if someone’s significant other will be hanging out in your dorm or apartment.
If you’re dating someone or you know that your roommate has a significant other, it can also be helpful to set some ground rules when you first move in, especially in terms of when it’s okay to invite your significant other over and etiquette for having them spend the night. Since both you and your roommate will want to feel comfortable in your new living situation, it’ll be a huge benefit for both of you if you can talk these things out.
Roommate relationships can be tough, but with enough attention, they can grow into something great. While living with a roommate of the opposite sex may have greater potential for awkwardness, as long as you’re both upfront and know what to expect, there’s no reason for you both not to love your living situation.
